Everyday cosplay

I managed to not see any of Listen to the Authoritarians dictate nonsense nor a moment of Listen for the memory of a junkie Sloane clothes-horse no-brained airhead. Thank God.

If I was invited to play at such a cough stellar cough and cough worthwhile cough gig, would I? Hell yeah. See once I had an audience of a bazillion and a microphone in front of me, the world would be put to rights, I can tell you. And I don’t think I would ever get invited back to any of the back-slapping feel-good disaster-thons. I might pretend to care, or muster up something above apathy. Then again, I might not.

Don’t you know who I am? says (gosh, I almost typed old Mary there, apologies, but I would have meant it in the How’s it going, old man type way, not that she is a man, here, I should stop digging round about now, but I must press on, you know, when you greet some one, and you use the term old even if they aren’t) Nelly. (I read a book that namechecked ‘Nelly Moser’ (and a dose of related floral derring-dos) recently. There you go.) That is a phrase I love people saying to me. As you may infer my reply. But that isn’t the point. It reminded me of an exchange a lot time ago, that goes like this:

Scene: a shop floor, our hero minding his own business, unusally
Shopping dude: yakyakyakkityyak
Our Hero: Erm, actually, no, you didn’t. I remember. (Back story not included. Suffice to say OH was indeed correct, backed up by half a dozen witnesses.)
SD (screeching to a halt): WHAT DID YOU SAY?
OH: I said, no, you didn’t.
SD: I DID! ARE YOU CALLING ME A LIAR?
OH: Yes. Yes, I am.
SD (screeching to a halt, then restarting EVEN LOUDER): TAKE THAT BACK! I’LL DO YOU FOR LIBEL! (Editor’s note: uh-huh, everyone knows the definition of etcetc) ARE. YOU. CALLING. ME. A. LIAR!!!?
OH: Yes, I sure am.
SD (bursting blood vessels all over his head): I WILL! I WILL FUCKING HAVE YOU! TAKE IT BACK! ARE! YOU! CALLING! ME! A! LIAR!
OH: sigh Yes, you are a liar, and no doubt a cheat. And unless you are Jesus Christ in his second incarnation, at which point I will bow down and give worship to my Lord and Master, you, sir, are a liar.
SD: ACK! ACK! ACK!
OH: Furthermore, you have always been a liar, and always will. Please leave before you embarrass yourself more.
SD: I WILL BE BACK! AND WITH THE LAW!
OH: Please do that. I see you haven’t told me you are Jesus Christ, so away with you, liar-boy.
(At this point, I was advised to step away from the situation. Tsk. I am never allowed to have fun.)

But that was a long time ago, and honestly, I am less tolerant now.

Real nowhere