Things of which it is no use in trying to get my opinion:

1. Modern cars
I love my Caitlin. I don’t like modern identikit bore-boxes. If you ask me, I will wax on, wax off about the greatness of 70s British iron, either two or four wheeled. Why would I want to drive a grey anonymous hulk of metal when I could improve (as in making larger, not smaller) my carbon footprint and rake around having fun? Sure, the safety is better, the handling, the brakes yadayadayada. I don’t care. My wee Spitfire rocks my world.

2. Phones
I tried to buy a new mobile today, one with a battery that might last my entire upcoming trip to Eeklandia, and not collapse after four minutes. I failed. I can’t even stand being in a mobile phone shop, and God knows that means every other shop in every high street in the land. Yes, even in (parts of) Cambridge-Town. But needs must. If I could get a battery for my trusty eight-year-old phone, I would be sorted. Alas! Alack! I can’t.

3. Televisual entertainment
If it isn’t Doctor Who, or Top Gear, both of which have finished, I won’t be able to hold a conversation with you. Did I see…? No.

4. Celebutards
If they weren’t mentioned in popbitch, then I won’t know them. And that is the equivalent of politicians on the radio. In that case, I know the voice, but not what they look like. Celebutards, I know what they get up to, but not what they look like. (I have been getting lessons from one celeb-obsessed dude, he even pointed me to (sometimes) some pretty pictures and info, but alas, it isn’t really sticking. I will keep with what I know. (Like my new wallpaper, Ms. Kidman. Of course.)

Everything else, mind, I will know some snippet of trivia that I can relate to the inquisitor. The amount of knowledge, most of it, if not all of it, useless, in my head is quite disturbing. I have said before, but I have no idea how a lot of it got there. Yes, it has been said I am nothing more than a knowledge tart, flirting from one topic to another taking what I can. I don’t see this as a bad thing.

When Hodgkins relieved me at dawn I asked him if he didn’t think it strange that the Joxter should take so little interest in things in general.
“I don’t know about that” said Hodgkins. “Perhaps he’s interested enough in everything. Only he doesn’t overdo it. To us there is always something that is very important. When you were small, you wanted to know. Now you want to become. I want to do. The Muddler likes his belongings. The Nibling likes other people’s belongings.”
“And the Joxter likes to do forbidden things,” I reminded him.
“Yes,” said Hodgkins. “But they aren’t very important to him. He’s just living.”

—The Exploits of Moominpappa by Tove Jansson. Who had a pipe. Whereas I, as of yet, don’t.

Waiting to be caught out