Therefore it could be said that it has been decided. But it can’t be acted upon. I don’t really want to code anymore. It isn’t that I wish to stop completely, as there isn’t anything else I can do, not that I can even do that. It might just be my age, isn’t it always that? But now, in the position I am in, I can’t give it all up to follow some dream. Firstly as I can’t afford it, secondly, what dream is there to chase? All I want is for my children to make it through school, and out into the world in one well-adjusted piece. That is my raison d’etre. The only meaning of life is more life. But where does that leave me? Crying for help on some abandoned outpost on the interweb. Or not even that, considering I have decimated (or more than by-ten) my readership, one that I built up over, what, five or more years? Actually, those readers I would care about are still here. A merry little band we are, are we not? Not a mid-life crisis, more a been-here-for-so-long crisis. But what to do, he muses again. There is no greener grass, is there? Most of life, and the pursuits people persue, seem so, well, crass to me. But then, I tend not to see things exactly, or indeed in any way, the same as everyone else. Probably no one does. Personal, and familial, happiness are paramount. I am thinking, pondering, and trying to come to some conclusion. But it can’t jepoardise my current comfortable-ness. There are no schemes, no scams, just the unending gloom at the cradle-to-grave-controlocrats. And the non-frivolous silence. And the angst I should have grown out of long, long ago. You know, for this sort of thing, I need a live journal account. Oh, hang on…

Light to the world

Go go! Ninja dinosaur!

  1. Merry we are indeed - well I am .. to a greater or lesser extent. Depending. Merry today, at least.

    A merry little band: now there’s the solution! It all becomes worthwhile when you’ve got a band together.

    Oh, and angst is good. It shows you care.

    Wed 06 Dec, 11:45AM

  2. Angst is ok sweetp. maybe its just time for a change.

    Wed 06 Dec, 6:26PM

  3. So it is you leaving those mad comments on my blog that I have to keep deleting.

    Wed 06 Dec, 9:14PM

  4. Ms B: Erm, no. Say what?

    Stray Taoist
    Wed 06 Dec, 9:54PM

  5. you need a hobby….

    how about hanging around in a garage and helping make a car, or playing in your own garage making some tools.
    I need a press, could you and No2 son make that for me if I lent you the tools and showed you how to spin metal?

    Wed 06 Dec, 11:04PM

  6. ‘a live journal account’ F*^K!!! it can never get that bad.

    Isn’t a dream something you do when you’re sleeping.

    The word ‘Project’ comes to mind and they can last anything from 2 minutes to 50 years.

    Is there a hint in your picture and that ‘Go go! Ninja dinosaur!’ It could be time for you to start a new religon (just a project). I think it’d be worth trying sometime. Base it on some of the old religons, get a merry band together that donate a tenth of all they earn to the Great Ninja Dinosaur.
    Speak and sing about the Great Ninja Dinosaur and what he has done for you etc etc

    Thu 07 Dec, 8:05PM

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